Posts Tagged ‘loving’

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Now i find myself standing still left with only myself to embrace. I sometimes ask myself what happen when did I become so jaded, so sad, so lonely, so alone and so disillusioned. For someone who continuously love the idea of having someone to always be there, to talk, to laugh, to share precious moment and to feel loved now I stayed away from it all. Maybe I feel that my heart can’t take it anymore can’t take the pain of losing someone over and over again and hoping that this time around something will change, something different from what I used to have but then I find myself living the same scenario despite everything that I try to do. So here I am in hiatus mode too tired to care, too shattered to pick up the broken pieces and too hurt to give a damned. Yes I love and love till I can love no more but I know somewhere somehow it is there the love I’m waiting for but for now I must hold myself alone because this heart of mine is crying out loud that it must rest for awhile till the pain will heal and it’s ready to love again. For now I must stand still and be brave to face whatever life brings and if one day love will come my way again I’ll open my arms wide and embrace it with all that I am.

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I am so tired lately that some unexpected feelings suddenly resurface especially when I read the email you sent before then I started to miss you so so much I don’t know why I really feel this way. It was such a fun time you were so funny and so sweet. You even ended your letter with a kiss and now I just wonder was it all just makebelief all the time we’ve spent with each others, were they just lies meant for me to believe that you really care for me or perhaps we felt something for each other that time but it just so sad for you to go away without saying goodbye. You were like some of the people I know who left my life without saying goodbye breaking my heart in two and tearing up to pieces the hope I’ve felt when you came and clouding the beautiful rainbow that once color my life. It was a happy moment in my life, making me fly so high, loving so true, so ecstatic never knowing that I will fall so hard without you to catch my fall because you are so busy chasing your own dreams, living your own life never knowing that somebody is hurting the day you went away. It is a sad thing but there are things that is just meant to end unexpectedly. I haven’t been thinking of you for quite sometime. I’m even starting to pick up the pieces back and put stitches to patch my wounded heart but still the memory of you creeps in once in awhile and today’s the worst. I know I should let you go. You haven’t even glance back the day you decided to let go of me but what can I do sometimes this heart beats for you. I know in time you will only be a sweet memory, a close chapter of a book, a forgotten melody of a fading song because by then the music has stop playing and my heart beat again to a differnt rhythm brought about by the wind of change.

PS: A rumble thoughts written during the afternoon and this evening for a person I’m missing right now…..

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My life is always been here and there and always drifting. Maybe its one of the reason why love still has not yet come to stay my way. It’s been years I’ve been wishing to finally found someone who will stay in my life for good but yes they come in my life only to leave again and take away pieces of my heart. It’s always hard to put a trust again to someone and having faith that this time around maybe he will come to stay and put back the pieces again to make it whole. Or could it be that I am so hesitant to give all of me for fear that this time around there will be no more left for me. Yeah I’ve found someone I think I have sort of relate, connect, bond and possibly a new love but there is always this part of me that hesitates to give him all of me and open up to him because I’ve been lied at, left behind and hanging in the open. Maybe in time I can give him all of me but I hope its not too late and he will come to stay my way.

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Sometimes in life we walk a different path, go our own separate ways and find our own lives. It will not be forever that people will do the same thing over and over again cause by then things will tend to stagnate. But the funny thing about life is when people do drift apart or part ways they don’t always find the way to go back to what it is used to be maybe because time has pass and your not anymore comfortable with what is left behind. But sometimes in life too when you do go back and reminisce what you did left behind you realize it was worth going back in the first place cause it was the one thing that made you who your are, who were there when you felt the world has turn its back on you, who push you up everytime you stumble and fall. Yes it is good to grow up and find our niche in this world cause sooner or later we will need to find that path where our life should circumnavigate but then again memories too are worth savoring every part of your journey to self discovery and contentment for without it we are an empty shell going about our life with no substance at all. Our past do help shape what we will become someday so never do erase what is left behind in your life but mold it well to suit what you will become someday.