Archive for the ‘Life’ Category

I thought I’ll be the one to ease the pain she left behind.

I thought I could fill the love that’s been void since she left you.

I thought I can be the sunshine to warmth your cold days.

I thought I can be the rainbow that brings color to your gray days.

Then I realize I could never be all those things and replace what you’ve been missing all along.

I am me and you are you

If our life did crossed path and entertwined

Not because we are meant to have ever after

But all we could have is shared moments

Moments I treasure, Moments I love but I know

I am not meant to be your ever after

We could never have that

I am just an air who once passed your life

To breath some fresh air, to bring new memories

But leave when the time comes

And you are my angel

Who’ve once touch something special in my life

At the darkest moment and loneliest days

Youy presence comfort and cheer me up

But time has come when the air needs to leave your side

And you my angel needs to go to someone who needs you more

We can’t have our ever after cause all we can ever have are precious moments

11-19-11 5:17pm

There are moments in life which are so unexpected that you can’t help it you want to pinch yourself if its real. In my search for that elusive love that’s always been flying away from grasp now I find myself confuse with the emotion. Not so long ago I was wallowing in self pity because I realize the people I care about either have girlfriends, married or been living in a different state. I reason it out ah maybe they are just not meant for me but I guess life is funny sometimes and just when I thought I’m fine with the idea of them gone from my life it shifts once again. Now it caught me off guard coz I was so ready to pack up and start my journey again.

Before I was only confuse with two person the one living abroad and the other I see once in awhile. They’re both good person but the other one’s situation is kinda complicated and maybe it was not love that we felt but just some sort of attraction. I know he’s happy where he is now but I just wish he didn’t bother me couple weeks ago and not continue being his sweet lovable self so I will not like him more. But I’m really letting him go this time and I’m making my resolve strong.

The other guy well I’ve know him since 2007 and our relationship is like the tide in the sea sometimes it has its high sometimes it has its low. I’m really thankful to him in so many ways and I have felt strongly for him than the others. However, it still break my heart that we didn’t see eye to eye although I know he did felt something for me it’s just that he can’t give me what I’m looking for. He did went away last year leaving me behind and we never talk afterwards except for the few forwarded messages he sent from time to time. But just last month we talk again after a year of silence and last week he send me a very nice message that I can’t help but be flatter. Then I wonder maybe we have so many unspoken feelings that need to be expressed but can’t find ways to go about it. But the sad thing is that for so long I’ve been trying to live life not thinking about him and not make him a part of my life and indeed I did just that. Although I can’t really say that cutting ties and forgetting him totally would make me so much better but I’ve learn to live my life without him and this unexpected twist of the story is such a surprise and I don’t know what to do with it.

But the most unexpected surprise I’ve got is when an old flame I haven’t seen for almost 4 years came back so unexpectedly. I mean I just thought of him at that time as a passing fancy the kind of person you meet in your journey then go on your separate ways. I have no aspiration or illusion that what we have would last but I just enjoyed the moment. It was like hello and goodbye, hence, we never did get a chance to know each other that well. But we’ve been communicating for months now and he told me we should finish what we started couple years back. I don’t know if I agree with him or not because I’m at a stage in my life where I’m looking for the real thing and lasting one not just someone who will come for a season and move on next season. But still part of me is curious what has he become after all these years. Has life been good to him or has he aged since the last time I saw him. I mean he’s just a boy when I meet him but now he’s a full grown man. And the funny thing about it is that he really knows how to handle me and talk to me like no one can. I mean I have meet my fair share of sweet talking guys but he’s different and I guess you can’t hide the fact that we did have a past. It seems as the days go by and I’ve get to know him a little better I’m starting to like him just a little more. I don’t know it its bad or good as I’ve been missing him a lot lately and keep thinking about him.

For someone not so young I feel like a teenager so expectant of a new love, so eager to fall in love and so innocent of the pitfalls of love. But I’m not young anymore I’ve had my fair share of broken promises, shattered illusions, aching heart, unfulfilled expectations and a soul that feel so deeply of these unquench emotions. But my heart is still hopeful that somehow, somewhere there is this someone who’ll open his arms and accept this gift of love from my soul to his and give me wings to fly, so euphoric of a love that finally found a home in each others haven. For now I’ll ride with the tide hoping it carry me home to the one person that’s meant for me and that love will continue to grow as each season changes.

There are moments in life that surprise you that you can’t even imagine it’s possible. 3 and 1/2 years ago I met someone who turn my life upside down. It was one crazy ride but a very memorable one but a very brief encounter. It was just one of those times when you feel you can do almost anything because you feel so free. I won’t delude myself or romantized it and call it love cause it is not. Maybe it’s more of a physical attraction or chemistry where you meet a stranger and it seems you’ve known each other for a long time. It happen so fast that it seems surreal and sometimes I have to pinch myself just to remind me that you’re real and the situation is real and not just some conjure images from my vivid imagination. But what we have that day was so unforgetable and memorable to me no matter how short lived it was. You give me something nobody from my past has given me but then out of the blue it ended as fast as it comes. I’ve no regret about it coz’ I know it’s inevitable. But what I didn’t count on is that I’ll talk again with you after all these years. So many things have changed and I don’t know if you even remember me or am I just a passing fancy to you. But I enjoy that talk, me pretending to not know you and I don’t know on your part if you’re pretending too. It was fun and it made me realize the reason why things happen as it is. What I don’t get is why after all these years our path cross again. I’ve made peace with what happen nor do I have regret whatsoever. I’m just amused and wondering if perhaps there’s a reason behind why things happen or maybe I’ll just let bygones be bygones. But I enjoy talking to you so much I just don’t know if I could meet you again after all this time so I gotta say for now ciao mi sweet amore ūüôā

There comes a point in your life when you just want to surrender it all to fate especially if despite all the longings and wishes of your heart yet it remains unanswered. When love seems so close but feels so far, when the person you long to be with seems so unreachable, then you find out your heart seems to be tired of everything and it feels bruised as if its been punched a thousand times. Yet the amazing thing about the heart is that it recuperate and does not stop beating. It continues on loving no matter how painful, how traumatic and hurt it feels sometimes, because the heart does not get discourage. It goes on hoping and loving endlessly believing that even if at times there seems to be no answer, people seem oblivious, too callous and cold yet something keeps on beating because it knows that somewhere, somehow there’s always someone willing to open its door on love. ¬†For love is forever it knows no boundaries, conquers all misgivings, tear down walls and heal all pains. Just like my heartbeat that never stops beating, in rhythm with the music of my heart always believing somewhere, somehow love will find its way to me and stay there for good.

I Want

Posted: October 30, 2009 in Choices, I love you, Journey, Life, Loving You
Tags: ,

Waiting_for_Love_by_TheImperfectImpala

I want to close my eyes & feel the rain touching my skin with your arms wrap around me.

I want to hold you close and feel the warmth of your touch.

I want to feel your lips kissing me in the pouring rain.

I want to hear the beating of your heart as if in eager anticipation.

I want to soar high in heaven with you till we find our own ecstasy.

I want to hear my soul find its rhythm that match the melody of your heart.

I want to see your eyes glitter in pure bliss and contentment.

I want to see you smile so freely without a tinge of sadness.

I want to fit my hands in yours knowing it rightly belongs there.

I want to say I love you from the bottom of my heart.

I want to hear you say I love you as if nothing else matters but that moment in time.

I want to spend my life forever with you, sharing and living our dreams.

I want to journey the world together discovering new oceans and horizons.

I want to do so many things but a lifetime is not enough.

I want to let you know that no one else makes me happy like the way you do.

 

Life is empty without someone to love, but it’s more
sad to think if the one you love doesn’t feel as much
as you’re feeling. I’ve been in this state for months
now, I don’t really like this feeling. I try not to
think about it, my longings and my wishes that
somehow you’ll treat me as more than a friend. I’ve
been deluding myself that we could have more.
Everytime we see each other I wish to hug you, kiss
you and be always there for you and never let go. But
then you only see me as your friend, the one who’s
always there for you when you needed someone,
something or anything. You said I’m a lifesaver, an
angel and all sorts of gratitude but I guess I’m
selfish because I want more from you. I want you to
love me the way that I love you. But I guess
sometimes life is not like that cause I might like
one thing and you like anotherthing so we’re always

running at the opposite end. I don’t want to keep on feeling this way, to keep missing you at odd moments and to keep hoping for things that could have been. I just wish

to accept what we are and hopefully find a new love in the horizon.

5868-loving-you

Life is empty without someone to love, but it’s more ¬†sad to think if the one you love doesn’t feel as much¬†as you’re feeling. I’ve been in this state for months ¬†now, I don’t really like this feeling. I try not to¬†think about it, my longings and my wishes that¬†somehow you’ll treat me as more than a friend. I’ve¬†been deluding myself that we could have more.¬†Everytime we see each other I wish to hug you, kiss¬†you and be always there for you and never let go. But¬†then you only see me as your friend, the one who’s¬†always there for you when you needed someone,¬†something or anything. You said I’m a lifesaver, an¬†angel and all sorts of gratitude but I guess I’m¬†selfish because I want more from you. I want you to¬†love me the way that I love you. But I guess¬†sometimes life is not like that cause I might like¬†one thing and you like another thing so we’re always¬†running at the opposite end. I don’t want to keep on feeling this way, to keep missing you at odd moments and to keep hoping for things that could have been. I just wish to accept what we are and hopefully find a new love in the horizon.

first-love

It is hard to love someone in silent. It is hard to keep that love to yourself knowing that it wants to be set free, to be let go and to be share. But I have no choice but to keep this feeling to myself. You warned me not to love you because I might only hurt myself in the process. I guess you know deep inside that you cannot give away what you don’t feel in your heart. I don’t know which is painful keeping this love to myself or not getting the love I want from you. Either way it still hurt a bit knowing you love someone who treats you only as a friend.¬†

I thought what I feel for you was just gratitude for the time when loneliness seems to envelop me and you were there to lift my spirit up. But everytime I see you I know it’s more than gratitude and I know that you have a soft spot here in my heart. I know I feel a certain affection towards you but geeezzz it’s so hard to keep this feeling to myself. It’s so hard loving you in silence. It’s so hard to be just your friend.

But come to think of it I’ll rather love you like a mute and be your friend than tell you I love you and you’ll go away from me.

f_heartlovelim_474c4d9

I’m feeling too restless today I don’t know why maybe because I miss you so much and I just don’t like this feeling at all. Although I’m really grateful that things between us are so much better than before but still distance is a hard thing to take. Sometimes I want to hold you close to me, so many things I want to do yet that’s what keep me from doing things because of the distance. I don’t know why time is so elusive that it always keeps us away from each other. It’s really so hard when you feel too much emotion and you can’t express it since the object of your affection is quite far from you. I really wish I won’t feel this way, this longing and this missing part because it’s quite an agony. It’s really hard to fall for someone when you know they are far from you and you know that it’s so hard to be with them at this moment. But I wish somehow since we’ve come this far we’ll find a way to bridge the distance somehow and know for real what we really felt for each other whether its a one sided thing or whether we both feel the same way. So for now I’m just gonna find ways not to feel too lonely but just be thankful for having him back here in my life no matter how far.

It’s been awhile since I’ve really written something here. I guess I got caught up with the things that’s bothering me, the health problem, the financial aspect, the careers and maybe the lovelife. It’s a been a bit loco months no more time to spend much writing my blogs. But through all the things that’s happening around I still keep thinking back to one person how I’ve let him down. How I didn’t keep my promises. I guess the conflict between us and the communication gap made me do it, made me break my promises or was it pride.

A very good friend of mine used to advised me not to let pride rule my life, because if one is matured enough to handle any consequences that life deals then there is no place for pride. But what can I say though he didn’t realize it he also hurt me in his own way thus my pride keep me from fulfilling my promise. Was I wrong to did what I’ve done, to not leap with faith into him, to turn my back and not meet him halfway? I don’t know I have no answer all I know is that I’ve already lost him and I don’t know if I’m glad or sad because he did become a part of me even for a shortwhile. He did make me smile when I feel like crying. He did fill my days with music thinking finally I’ve found someone after my own heart. Did he feel the same way well he never did tell.

But the thing I’m thankful the most is the time he came into my life when it was a bit confusing and now maybe its time that we did part ways. Maybe that’s just life’s way of letting people drift apart from us. I’ve tried to keep myself busy and do all kind of stuff but sometimes though memories of you came back into my life. It crepts in and I start to miss you and I don’t like that because somewhere, somehow I want to let go of you and get on with my life.

I love your blog award

Posted: September 13, 2008 in Award, Life, Love
Tags:

Thanks so much to Krishna for this award its very appreciated  and unexpected. So if you have time please visit my friend Krisha site for a more informative read. So here goes the rules: 

Rule no. 1: The winner can put the logo on their blog.

Rule no. 2: Link the person you received your award from (surely do can even see him in my blogroll)

Rule no. 3: Nominate at least 7 other blogs. (ahh its that hard to find some blogs in here have only a few friends here)

Rule no. 4: Put links of those blogs on yours. (will do that) 

Rule no. 5: Leave a message on the blogs you’ve nominated.

it’s quite hard to put messages on my favorite blogs but I’ll try my very best ūüôā

1.)¬†Sand and everything under the Sun¬†– she say she’s a worst writer but I dare to disagree, there is a creativity and talent just waiting to be explored. I know you don’t like blogging that much but it’s a good start to create lots of creative concepts¬†

2.) Chronicles of Boredom – She writes with a passion of the things she loves about. I like how she expresses things in her own word, very entertaining and it just seems you can’t get enough of it ūüôā¬†

3.) My Comfort Zone Рthis blogger is very dedicated indeed to the blogworld and I love reading her updates and glimpses about her life. She is the one who also tell me about how to start making money out of your blog. 

4.) Chrissy’s Haven – I have been following her blog in blogspot unfortunately she deleted it but I found her other blog in wordpress and would like to give her this award. I like your blog because it speaks about your life’s journey.¬†

5.) Avid Thinker Рshe is a colleague and I believe she will go far with her writing just keep the pen burning and running through times. 

6.) My Little Home – this lady I’ve only meet in the blogging world but I know she has a warm heart especially for her kids and husband. Keep up the good word you’ve been doing with your blog.¬†

7.) Hodgepodge Рbeing a mother and wife is not an easy task but this lady has always been good in balancing her act.  Although you seem to be rethinking about redefining your blog but actually it has a charm of its own.