Archive for December, 2011

The year is almost ending and looking back I could say it has its up and down but majority of what happen this year is ruled out by my emotion. Romantically speaking I could not say that this aspect of my life is so great as I’ve not meet many new people but just the same old romantic flame/interest. But come to think of it what surprise me the most this year is talking to someone I haven’t get in touch with since 2007. It was a short term affair and so unexpected. It was a fun thing but nothing major worth hanging on to until we talk again. Although part of me still want to see him again but another part tells me to let bygones be bygones. So I decided not to meet this time around but what I do realize is that he was such a fun person and really knows how to handle me. The other guy which I know since 2009 was the worst case of them all besides playing around his gf back he always tend to break his promises. I keep telling myself to just ignore him completely so I can get him off my system too but I guess sometimes I feel there is this sort of connection that we both can’t let go. But I’m not so into him as I used to be. The last guy, the one who hold my heart for the longest time, the one whom I’m having a hard time letting go but I know sooner I can really do that with no regrets. Last year when he went back to his place I thought to myself that I’m going to miss his company, his visit to the office among other things. Although we don’t see eye to eye in many things but I just can’t help the feeling that he ignites within me. I’m always happy whenever he’s around and I feel complete. Because of the different way we see things hence our story is like a rollercoaster ride so when he decides to go home I thought it be easier to let go. But oh boy was I mistaken because despite the distance I still miss him and long for his company. I guess is you love someone letting them go takes time and though it’s hard to really accept the fact but sooner or later you do can move on. Little by little I find the courage to accept that maybe we’re not meant to be. Maybe we’re just two lonely people who meet each other one cold december evening 4 years ago. We find solace and comfort through the loneliest times in our lives. He was my strength when I’m feeling down, he was the source of my laughter when I feel so sad, he was the music that beats to the rhythm of my heart. He was so many things in my life and now he’s no longer there. I don’t blame him for giving up on me cause what we are to each other is also confusing we’re not lovers nor are we just friends cause the way we feel surpass mere friendship but we never get to cross the line and become lovers. Although we barely talk anymore but the last time we talk it felt strange sort of like we’re strangers again getting to know each other for the first. Losing him is hard but I accept the fact that it’s really time for us to move on and seek other people who can feel the gap that we fail to fill in it’s other shoes. Yes I do miss him once in awhile (common’ 4 years is such a long time to love someone) but I realize we can never be happy unless one let’s go and move on.