It’s the first week of May and it seems time is flying so fast I can barely cope up. I have not written a single blog for April hence the title. I always promise myself to write at least one entry every month to chronicle my journey and also to update my blog follower and visitors. Anyway April was quite an eventful month for me as two people from my past came back not really for good but just these two people I’ve communicated with last month.
The first one I’ve write about in the previous blog which I haven’t heard or talk for more than 3 1/2 years and it came as a shock since never in my wildest dreams did it occur to me that we’ll talk again and I thought as you might read in the previous entry that he forgotten me and much to my surprise he did remember me as if it was yesterday. I mean I don’t know if I would be glad that I matter enough for him to remember everything or be alarmed because now he wants to get together again and finish what we started. It’s a tempting offer but I don’t know if I could see him again because I know deep within me that this could lead to nowhere but just an endless circle. Or maybe my fear is too strong to warn me of things nonexistent cause who knows if I might meet him again this could lead somewhere and we might discover somethings we haven’t find/felt before. Again this is a tricky situation where there is no middle ground either it’s yes or no and it always depends on me if I’m willing to play the game again, to dance to the music of love, to surrender myself and forget everything just to be with him. To rekindle that flame, that sparks and magical thing we used to have. It’s not really love but more a purely physical attraction thingy. I can risk and not expect too much who knows but for now I’ll just go with the flow.
The other one is someone a bit special to me, I mean we did share special times together but haven’t really meet for real and I blame him for that because he did have his chance but I guess he choose the other one. I was not angry at that time when he came home and didn’t meet me cause I reason out maybe because he meet the other one earlier and they have a relationship and I’m just the other party but sad to say it didn’t workout between them and during that time I was already angry with him and my ego was bruised so we didn’t talk for awhile. Then I’ve realized and been asking myself that if I wasn’t angry with him would I have been his girlfriend now and we would meet this time around but I don’t know coz’ he love someone else now and I’m letting him go. But what bothers me is that after all these time that past, him having another girlfriend and me still the other party I can feel there is something unfinish between us cause we still talk and the funny thing is that he told me he’ll be coming home again and he wants to meet me. Of course I don’t want to expect more from him cause then again he just might disappoint me like the first time around. Yet there is this little spark of hope in me contemplating the possibilities what if we did meet for real what would we both feel will it finally answer our question and could we finally let go of each other. I think he’s pretty serious with his gf now that’s why I stay away cause honestly speaking I never want to be the third party in a relationship hence the reason I always says no whenever he ask me to be his gf since I know I’m not the only girl for him. But I don’t know why after all this time it seems we feel there is this unfinish business, a chemistry that seems to pull us together despite the fact that we want to be apart. But I’m really staying away God help my resolve but if fate really brought us together and let us meet then I’ll decide from there. As of now I’m keeping my feet and head on ground level so as to avoid complicated situations cause I know somewhere the right man will come along and stay with me for good.