How time flies and half of the year is already gone but it seems to me life is just drifting, passing me by with the same dilemma over and over again. I don’t know why I’ve reached this point in my life where it’s so hard for me to say goodbye, move on and get on with my life. May was a trying month for me besides losing my job I also decided to let go of two people who’ve become an integral part of my life.

The first friend is so hard to let go because I’ve known him for almost 3 years and for all the things that I’ve done and sacrifice I can’t just imagine life without him. But we’ve been dancing to the same tunes for years now and the stepping seems to echo the same pattern over and over again. It seems were always running round and round in circles without a clear goal in mind. I can’t blame him or myself because we wanted two different things at very opposite directions so it’s hard to go from there when there’s no unity. I’ve wished many times for things to change that somehow, somewhere there could be an ending to our story but it’s so futile so I really do wished to move on and get on with my life without always thinking about him.

The other one I’ve meet last year but it was not until January that we’ve become closer and I thought there was something going on in there until I found out about his lies and his girl. I won’t deny I started to feel something for him maybe it’s because of the closeness we’ve had for months but being number two is not my cup of tea. I started to stay away from him last month and do my disappearing act but there are moments that I’ve missed him. And I was so confuse because I’m the type of person who only fall in love with one person and I do love someone but my feelings for him is quite mixed up. It’s his bday today but I didn’t greet him because sometimes I don’t understand myself why I’m angry and jealous at him. Maybe I’m starting to feel something or maybe there is just so much left unsaid.

And here I am thinking that I’ve already given them up last May and finally free myself of all the dramas and unwanted emotional uncertainty only to find out this month that both of them are still a part of my life. Both of them still wants me in their life and can quite accept perhaps if I’ll be gone completely. But I don’t want the uncertainty I’ve felt for them and sometimes I asked myself if I’m just deluding myself of the mixed signals and confusing emotions. Maybe because I’m lonely that’s why I’m so needy. I’m not usually like these I can walk away easily if I find a certain situation so inconvenient and if I’m not treated well by men.

Maybe sometimes the price we pay for growing up is having to make do with lonely feeling we felt when there’s no one around to comfort, care and love us. But at this point in my life I don’t want a love that is only half full and half empty I want a love that is full without restrictions, without prejudices and without other parties involve. Because if I love someone I love him with all of me and I accept him for whatever shortcomings and imperfections he might have.

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Comments
  1. mak says:

    hi! just read your blog and want to make a comment. Love sometimes is confusing. But, I know someday you will just smile and say to yourself how stupid I am to act that way before where in fact I see now my soulmate beside with me. You are just bored that’s why you cannot let go of them. But, when you find a right guy that is really meant for you. You forget them and have a happy life ahead. Miss u and i will be forever friend to you even if i am in a distance. And continue praying that someday you will find your destiny in life.

  2. adeic says:

    Thank you my friend I miss you too but I know you’re better off there than here…. I know sometimes there are things you need to adjust but if you just continue on believing and just trusting that life will get better in time….Yeah maybe I am lonely and quite confuse sometimes that’s why I don’t know what I’m feeling right now… Well I don’t know where he is and when he is coming home to stay hahaha…. just enjoy life every moment of it…. and if love knocks on my doorstep then I’ll welcome him with open arms

  3. Flory says:

    i love your blog..really do…have read it completly…and always can’t wait to see what you write next….i love the way you write (such beautiful words sometimes) and the fact that you can be so open about everything and put it down ….as for love…it is never easy..but it is the only think that is worth fighting for because ..while it lasts ..it’s like magic …it’s the only think that gives us strenght to move on and the only reason to have a smile on our face…everythink passes but love remains..i do hope you find someone that will love you for who you are and apreaciate you…hope you the best>:D<…and hope to hear from you soon..

  4. lilian says:

    i just read ur comment just now ………and it really touches my hearth ……..but d most painful part of it all is someone been in luv with someone that doesnt hv feeling 4 her all …………dont u think is outrageous

  5. adeic says:

    hI flory thanks for the beautiful comment too I really appreciate it if my readers can feel empathy with my writings… I really do feel those emotions every time I write and yes Love is very hard to understand but it’s the one thing that can make you grow, blossom into a beautiful person because without it we are just empty souls, restless and lonely….

    Hi lilian yes sometimes love is painful though you know that you’re not given as much value with the other person or the other person does not hold any affection towards you yet you hope for things to change then if not one day you’ll just wake up and move on =)

  6. mansi says:

    Hi…i just read your blog…and this post made me cry..U knw i m also going through the state of letting go…few most important people are going from my life…my best friend..she is getting married..n i dont know when i wil meet her again…i love her so much and happy to see her happy..i wish her luck in her married life…n the second special person…with whom I m making a distance these days n I m letting him go bcoz I love his so much and he is really a good friend too but he never felt this. He always took me a a good friend but for me its more than that and now I wnt him to go from my life so that I can move on…coz till the time I will be with him..I will not stop thinking abt him n loving him…I want whtever is the relation left ..it should remain…

  7. forugerry says:

    Hi…i just read your blog…and this post made me cry..U knw i m also going through the state of letting go…few most important people are going from my life…my best friend..she is getting married..n i dont know when i wil meet her again…i love her so much and happy to see her happy..i wish her luck in her married life…n the second special person…with whom I m making a distance these days n I m letting him go bcoz I love his so much and he is really a good friend too but he never felt this. He always took me a a good friend but for me its more than that and now I wnt him to go from my life so that I can move on…coz till the time I will be with him..I will not stop thinking abt him n loving him…I want whtever is the relation left ..it should remain…

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