I actually matter

Posted: August 13, 2008 in Choices, Journey, Letting Go
Tags: , , ,

Here I am again not planning to sleep early since I was having my two days PMS mood when actually I’m far from having my period. It’s been two months since I’ve had it cause the doc says its the side effect of all my medication. Anyway my mood says otherwise seems my day started gloomy I keep staring at the wall hoping the bad feelings I have would go away. It take half a day & half an afternoon for it to finally subside. I was ready to call it quits was really bother until a little incident amuse me. I mean in this modern world we’re living I didn’t expect to see male chivalry. I’m so used to doing things my own way I actually don’t need a guy to do things for me. It must have been due to many years without a father figure cause papa is always away with his work. So like my mama we tend to survive on our own & men really was just a small significant in our lives.

Mama always tells us not to fall too hard over heals or go crazy about a particular guy & I did just that but though I know sooner or later I”m gonna fall too over heels in love. Don’t get me wrong I’ve had my share of heartaches but not too many to even make a significant difference. But it was only last year that I’ve realize how important to have a significant person to stay by your side. It was not love maybe more on physical attraction & I know it won’t last but hey his tall, skinny, fair complexion (hmmm I always have that fetish for fair coloring not the moreno ones) & young (sssh its a secret I also have fetish for younger ones but not anymore) so after that I’ve met two other guys (not counting the blind dates) well literally speaking I’ve only met one guy of that two because that other one is kind of complicated hehehe

Before I go any further I’ll go back to what happen this afternoon, while I was going to the comfort room I’ve met my idol (as I’ve fondly call him & my friends know who he is) was really surprise when he held the door open wide for me to pass by so kinda shock but I know its not biggie deal. Actually the reason why I like looking at him cause he reminds me of the young person I met last year. Then the other incident happens with another officemate & I also notice him cause his bearing reminds me of the other guy I’ve met this year & he also open the door for me to pass by. It’s actually funny for me to think at this day & age…hehehe so at least it lightens my mood this afternoon…

But the most funny thing when I arrive home, as I check my friendster page of those who view me I saw him hmmm its been awhile since he view my profile & I wonder could he perhaps be curious with my life now. Ahh his been the reason why I’ve got this job in the first place & pass my board exam call it “na challenge” even change my smart number just to forget about him. Don’t know if its a deeper feeling or just some sort of admiration but all I know is that his a good guy. Hmm and now I’m wondering did he perhaps thought that I’m already in another country cause I keep telling him that before or was he shock about all my two piece pics(kapal moks ko talaga).

But I never did get to find what was my real feelings for him all I know my friends keep asking me before whose the lucky guy kc blooming daw & I keep telling them no one special. I guess I was happy at that time & even some of my friends told me if they where to choose they would choose him over MD…hmm & actually that’s my dilemma before cause MD was so like me in so many ways & our age so close. We like the same music, have the same twisted humour & just so out of this world ideas. I guess it was a time when we needed each other to fill out the boredom we’ve felt at that time. But I haven’t met him only see him on cam. He always told me one day we’ll meet but I’m tired of waiting for what??? But this other one I met him. He went to our house once while visiting some clients. Though I know his out of my reach, his too tall for me & maybe his intention was just purely friendship while I get this crazy notion I always draw inside my head if i get interested with a person. Then the bubble burst & the illusion died but hey why did you view my profile…did you miss me or are you just curious what happen to me….I’m not yet in Singapore maybe someday soon then perhaps Canada hahaha now I’m in my wishful mood again…in case you happen to read this ahh don’t know what you’ll think of this…but I do thank you for that short live friendship, the calls, the sms & even that meeting last february.

PS: Done august 12, 2008 almost close to midnight

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