Archive for August, 2008

I’m not supposed to say bad words & do bad things & that sort of stuff but geeesh sometimes I forget & I say forgive me Lord please….Anyways I can’t sleep yet I need to wake up early tomorrow & gotta do lots of things…but damn you geezz why oh why I try so hard to finally not stalk your profile, think of you, listen to your music so that perhaps I might move on cause you’re my uncertain weakness….isn’t it quite obvious I’m blogging more these days so it means somethings bothering me, maybe its you, maybe its work but I know in time it’ll pass…but you know what I went again to your profile & the funny thing is that I see your latest uploaded songs by Leona Lewis…and what’s even more funnier is that I was really contemplating making a playlist all by Leona Lewis & you beat me to that…I read all the lyrics to the songs you’ve upload so whose regret are you feeling, are you still holding on to your past? Hmm oh well but what made me laugh is your last song “Better in time” ahhh so we got the same theme song ehh we wish to get better in time hahaha but how many songs we’ve had in common too many to even mention ….. your playlist is still in my mp4 I haven’t deleted either single one…but when I hear the songs I’m wallowing in my self pity & regret….how about you what are you feeling? what are you thinking? Are you still regretful about the past? Let’s move on & get better in time….

PS: done august 12, 2008 just after I’ve written I actually matter


I actually matter

Posted: August 13, 2008 in Choices, Journey, Letting Go
Tags: , , ,

Here I am again not planning to sleep early since I was having my two days PMS mood when actually I’m far from having my period. It’s been two months since I’ve had it cause the doc says its the side effect of all my medication. Anyway my mood says otherwise seems my day started gloomy I keep staring at the wall hoping the bad feelings I have would go away. It take half a day & half an afternoon for it to finally subside. I was ready to call it quits was really bother until a little incident amuse me. I mean in this modern world we’re living I didn’t expect to see male chivalry. I’m so used to doing things my own way I actually don’t need a guy to do things for me. It must have been due to many years without a father figure cause papa is always away with his work. So like my mama we tend to survive on our own & men really was just a small significant in our lives.

Mama always tells us not to fall too hard over heals or go crazy about a particular guy & I did just that but though I know sooner or later I”m gonna fall too over heels in love. Don’t get me wrong I’ve had my share of heartaches but not too many to even make a significant difference. But it was only last year that I’ve realize how important to have a significant person to stay by your side. It was not love maybe more on physical attraction & I know it won’t last but hey his tall, skinny, fair complexion (hmmm I always have that fetish for fair coloring not the moreno ones) & young (sssh its a secret I also have fetish for younger ones but not anymore) so after that I’ve met two other guys (not counting the blind dates) well literally speaking I’ve only met one guy of that two because that other one is kind of complicated hehehe

Before I go any further I’ll go back to what happen this afternoon, while I was going to the comfort room I’ve met my idol (as I’ve fondly call him & my friends know who he is) was really surprise when he held the door open wide for me to pass by so kinda shock but I know its not biggie deal. Actually the reason why I like looking at him cause he reminds me of the young person I met last year. Then the other incident happens with another officemate & I also notice him cause his bearing reminds me of the other guy I’ve met this year & he also open the door for me to pass by. It’s actually funny for me to think at this day & age…hehehe so at least it lightens my mood this afternoon…

But the most funny thing when I arrive home, as I check my friendster page of those who view me I saw him hmmm its been awhile since he view my profile & I wonder could he perhaps be curious with my life now. Ahh his been the reason why I’ve got this job in the first place & pass my board exam call it “na challenge” even change my smart number just to forget about him. Don’t know if its a deeper feeling or just some sort of admiration but all I know is that his a good guy. Hmm and now I’m wondering did he perhaps thought that I’m already in another country cause I keep telling him that before or was he shock about all my two piece pics(kapal moks ko talaga).

But I never did get to find what was my real feelings for him all I know my friends keep asking me before whose the lucky guy kc blooming daw & I keep telling them no one special. I guess I was happy at that time & even some of my friends told me if they where to choose they would choose him over MD…hmm & actually that’s my dilemma before cause MD was so like me in so many ways & our age so close. We like the same music, have the same twisted humour & just so out of this world ideas. I guess it was a time when we needed each other to fill out the boredom we’ve felt at that time. But I haven’t met him only see him on cam. He always told me one day we’ll meet but I’m tired of waiting for what??? But this other one I met him. He went to our house once while visiting some clients. Though I know his out of my reach, his too tall for me & maybe his intention was just purely friendship while I get this crazy notion I always draw inside my head if i get interested with a person. Then the bubble burst & the illusion died but hey why did you view my profile…did you miss me or are you just curious what happen to me….I’m not yet in Singapore maybe someday soon then perhaps Canada hahaha now I’m in my wishful mood again…in case you happen to read this ahh don’t know what you’ll think of this…but I do thank you for that short live friendship, the calls, the sms & even that meeting last february.

PS: Done august 12, 2008 almost close to midnight

It’s close to midnight and I see you online. Should I say hi, hello, How’ve you been? It’s been awhile and I miss your company? Or should I just ignore you the same way that you’ve gone away for awhile. Ahhh this is always the case on and off then I see you again and we’re back at the beginning. What I need now is to be strong in facing my future alone without you. To make my own plans, to focus more on my own dreams and  hopefully to forget you totally. It’s really up to you if you intend to keep your promise. But, as for me I’m going to fly away and chase my dreams, and if someday God permits I might just go back the same path, the same road again and perhaps see you there waiting for me. But, that’s too long to think, too far to imagine  so I’ll just live my life fully yet still hoping for love to come and stay.

PS: By the way this month my blogs turn a year old and thank you for all the people who have been reading and blogrolling me here. I can’t believe I’ve been blogging that long about my journey of love, still continuing on the road until I find the person I’ll travel the world together.