Journey into Love

I was just walking by passing through the guitars and keyboards on sale when this beautiful melody tantalizes my senses. Oh I really feel so alive as if I’m suddenly an angel drifting through clouds of heavenly symphony. Along with that feeling flashbacks suddenly enter my reverie bringing me back to the time when I first know you. The feelings where so raw as if it was just yesterday once again when it suddenly hit me why of all the people that I’ve meet you’re the only one who made a big difference in my life.

It was late sunday evening of december ‘07, the windows in our living room was open, the air was a bit windy and chilly outside but not eerie at all. It was just the right ambience — solitary comfort I so long in my chaotic life at time. My messenger was on and then a  message pop,

“Hello, how you’ve been doing my friend?”

“I’m just fine relaxing just got back from church.”

“Ahh so did you fix the problem with your computer, can I call you now?”

“My mic isn’t working still, but you can call if you like “

And you call to make my evening more relaxing. It was one of those nights when you feel you are at peace and in harmony with the world. No problems to think about, no noisy people to disturb your solitude, no pollution to invade your senses just pure heavenly bliss. I was not contented to just hear your voice so I ask you to play something as a background to your one-sided call. You must have a sixth sense or something because of all the song to play on a night that fine you pick “Angels brought me here” which just compliments my mood perfectly. But thinking about it now brought a smile on my face because it’s quite funny you talking to me for an hour and me answering you through the keyboard coz’ my mic won’t work. It was the beginning of a new friendship and my rollercoaster feelings for you.

I thought you were just someone to pass time by when I’m bored with life and needed someone to talk to. But as time goes I’ve realize there was so much in you that I find so lovable. Our love for music was the one thing that keeps us bonded together, listening through songs of our youth as if we were silly teenagers back in high school laughing and just being crazy. You make me smile for no reason at all even in my gloomiest days just seeing your smiley face brightens me up. Your childish ways compliments me so well because by then I can just be plain me and not be trapped in the adult world of living. We are two people with peter pan syndrome finding silly things to laugh about with each other.

You were just a refreshing diversion from all those freaks and weirdos I’ve meet before. But besides the facade you show to the world I sense something within you I can emphathize. You are a lost, wounded soul still searching for your path here on earth. That search brings you closer to God gives you the faith to move on with whatever hard lesson life has dealt you before. You have your share of regrets and heartaches but it didn’t hinder you from moving forward. What really amazes me is how that faith of yours keep me strong at the weakest and darkest moment in my life. You were my burning light when it seems my candle won’t shimmer anymore. Somehow even when you are far from me your presence lingers and keep me holding on to the light.

The first time we promise we’ll see each other it didn’t push through then we lost touch. After a couple of months we communicated again, you say you’ll be visiting my place to have a vacation then it got cancelled again. When you attended a wedding of your friend here in my place you send me a message if I want to meet but I did not go cause I was too scared. I was so sick and thin at that time. Truth be told the vain part of me was scared you might not like what you see. I thought I will lost you for good at that time that I was wallowing in my regrets and self pity that at least I should have meet you for real. However, my plan to go outside the country push through and just before my flight you send me a message telling me that you might stay here for good. It was really unbelievable because it seems fate does not want us to meet.

I follow my dreams and I fly away thinking it was the right thing to do, to finally be living on my own and for myself not knowing I would be miserable in a couple of months. Despite that chaotic and confusing time you were always there to encourage me and strengthen me to pursue my dreams and my goals but I was weak. You were part of the reason why I came home because I realize that my dreams have change I was not after the gold that glitters. I just want to meet that person who have teach my heart to beat much faster than before, who teach me that by loving one must be forgiving, who teach me how to embrace life in all its totality and shortcoming, who teach me to love no matter what.

I thought it was all just an idea, a preconceived romantic notion I always have knowing my romantic nature but the first time I saw you oh geezzz I really do feel that tug in my heart which my sis fondly calls a “heartstrings” and no it was not gratitude that I felt. I really do felt something for you deeply than all of the men who’ve passed my life. I thank you that I’ve known you and become a part of my life and if people ask me why I fall in love with you? I’ll just say “I don’t know” because if you really love someone there’s no rhyme or reason, you just feel it deep within and feel a certain warmth all over which you can’t quite comprehend.

8-24-09 11pm