Loving you June 27, 2009
Posted by adeic in Choices, Complicated, Crossroads, Decisions, I love you, Life, Love, Loving You, Moving On.add a comment
running at the opposite end. I don’t want to keep on feeling this way, to keep missing you at odd moments and to keep hoping for things that could have been. I just wish
to accept what we are and hopefully find a new love in the horizon.
Life is empty without someone to love, but it’s more sad to think if the one you love doesn’t feel as much as you’re feeling. I’ve been in this state for months now, I don’t really like this feeling. I try not to think about it, my longings and my wishes that somehow you’ll treat me as more than a friend. I’ve been deluding myself that we could have more. Everytime we see each other I wish to hug you, kiss you and be always there for you and never let go. But then you only see me as your friend, the one who’s always there for you when you needed someone, something or anything. You said I’m a lifesaver, an angel and all sorts of gratitude but I guess I’m selfish because I want more from you. I want you to love me the way that I love you. But I guess sometimes life is not like that cause I might like one thing and you like another thing so we’re always running at the opposite end. I don’t want to keep on feeling this way, to keep missing you at odd moments and to keep hoping for things that could have been. I just wish to accept what we are and hopefully find a new love in the horizon.
Dreams and Realities May 31, 2009
Posted by adeic in Choices, Complicated, Dreaming, I love you, Letting Go, Loving You, friendship.Tags: Dreams, Hope, Life, Love, Realities
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Oh how I wish to tell you what I am feeling inside? Just to let you know that somehow you have a special place in my heart. Unfortunately something’s holding me back why I can’t say it to you directly. Maybe I fear the part that you’ll say to me “Hey let’s just be friends like we are now.” Maybe I am expecting something that if I ever do tell you how much you mean to me then perhaps you’ll say “I love you sunshine.” There are only two scenarios that could happen if I ever feel the guts to tell you so but I guess I am just too chickens**t to say what I really feel. I am just too freaking contented of how things are. Or maybe I am just deluding myself that I am contented when deep inside I feel a certain sadness that in my dreams I see the two of us together for all times but in reality we are friends but not the way I would have imagine it to be. I guess for now I’ll just accept this thing since the guts always left me out in the cold and loneliest days of my life.
Silent Love April 30, 2009
Posted by adeic in Choices, Gratitude, Journey, Life, Moving On, friendship.Tags: Falling in Love, I love you, Love, Lovers and Friends, Loving You
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It is hard to love someone in silent. It is hard to keep that love to yourself knowing that it wants to be set free, to be let go and to be share. But I have no choice but to keep this feeling to myself. You warned me not to love you because I might only hurt myself in the process. I guess you know deep inside that you cannot give away what you don’t feel in your heart. I don’t know which is painful keeping this love to myself or not getting the love I want from you. Either way it still hurt a bit knowing you love someone who treats you only as a friend.
I thought what I feel for you was just gratitude for the time when loneliness seems to envelop me and you were there to lift my spirit up. But everytime I see you I know it’s more than gratitude and I know that you have a soft spot here in my heart. I know I feel a certain affection towards you but geeezzz it’s so hard to keep this feeling to myself. It’s so hard loving you in silence. It’s so hard to be just your friend.
But come to think of it I’ll rather love you like a mute and be your friend than tell you I love you and you’ll go away from me.
Something In You March 30, 2009
Posted by adeic in Choices, Decisions, Gratitude, Journey, Loving You, Moments, New Love, faith.add a comment
After a long time waiting and now I see you face to face and I can’t believe that what my heart tells me is real. I don’t know what is it with you, I don’t know why I feel this so but all I know is that you make me feel alive. The simple things that you do without you even realizing it makes me go on with my life. I’m not too overly dramatic about it nor too sentimental I’m past that stage but your presence did make a great impact in my life. I thank you for so many things, I even thank you for the time in between the long wait with all the confusion and question because by then I’ll really know that what I feel for you is real. I don’t know where the road will lead us I don’t know about the future at all but one thing I do know is I love you with all my heart and I’m so grateful to God that our path did cross after so long waiting.
Balancing Act January 22, 2009
Posted by adeic in Complicated, Crossroads, Decisions, Journey, Loving You, Path, Relationship, Risk.Tags: Choices, Dreams, Hope, Life, Love
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A new year has finally enter and it seems my life’s drama still going on and on. Well it’s not actually a drama but this feeling I have for you seems an endless cycle I can’t quite escape. But sometimes its too hard to make a really good choice as if I feel myself watching the hit series for “love or money” where you are to choose which you prefer the love or the money. It’s what a close friend once says to me that a beauty queen during a question and answer portion was asked if you were given a choice which would you choose crown or love and she says the crown.
So my friend ask me what would you choose and I tell her at this moment in my life I would choose the crown because if you were to ask me a couple of months back or year ago I would definitely say love. That is just me I’m a romantic person always believing that love is far greater than any money or riches can be found in life. However if one get burn too many times one prefers to choose the crown or the money than continue on playing with fire all for the glory of love.
But in your case its really so hard to decide because I’ve waited too long for you, I’ve hold on to you when the pain I’ve felt was too strong, I’ve forgive you too many times when I thought you’ve left me hanging in there. Now that I’m at a point where my dreams are too precious to me it seems you’re calling me home to take a chance with you, to take a risk and to choose love once again.
It’s really a confusing time for me when I’ve invested too much already to pursue a dream of being independent yet the allure of your arms waiting for me seems to keep me alive of a promise perhaps of a new love. Could I possibly be happy with just a crown or could I possibly have the best of both world by knowing how to do to the right balance. Well who knows God really is the only one who can answer my prayer but honestly speaking at this moment in time I’m really confuse which path to take.
Restless Heart December 20, 2008
Posted by adeic in Journey, Life, Love, Loving You, Relationship, Second Chance.Tags: Add new tag
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I’m feeling too restless today I don’t know why maybe because I miss you so much and I just don’t like this feeling at all. Although I’m really grateful that things between us are so much better than before but still distance is a hard thing to take. Sometimes I want to hold you close to me, so many things I want to do yet that’s what keep me from doing things because of the distance. I don’t know why time is so elusive that it always keeps us away from each other. It’s really so hard when you feel too much emotion and you can’t express it since the object of your affection is quite far from you. I really wish I won’t feel this way, this longing and this missing part because it’s quite an agony. It’s really hard to fall for someone when you know they are far from you and you know that it’s so hard to be with them at this moment. But I wish somehow since we’ve come this far we’ll find a way to bridge the distance somehow and know for real what we really felt for each other whether its a one sided thing or whether we both feel the same way. So for now I’m just gonna find ways not to feel too lonely but just be thankful for having him back here in my life no matter how far.
Bridging the Gap November 21, 2008
Posted by adeic in Choices, I love you, Journey, Loving You.Tags: Dreams, Ever after, friendship, Hope, Love, realization, Thank you
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Sometimes I reminisce back to the days when I believe in fairy tales, of distant castles, of a knight in shining armour to rescue a damsel in distress. But those days are crazy fantasies of a hopeless child believing of a happy ever after not realizing that reality is a series of goodbye and a never ending search for the one person that you could possibly spend the rest of your life. Today I’ve think about the dream because I allow myself to feel for a moment what its like to be a child again to feel the hope and the joy that somehow in this big crazy world there is someone to catch you if you fall, to wipe away the tears and to assure you that hey it’s ok to be weak because I’ll be the strength that carry you through in the darkest times. A love that can equal’s God unconditional love?
But that’s really frustrating when you think about it because human love has its flaws and limitations compare to God’s unconditional devotion. We can search our whole lifetime trying to find that love but we will only end up frustrated. So what’s the best thing to do well for me I’ll just follow my heart when it beats the fastest then I’ll know that it’s guiding me somewhere to a person who might just be the one I’m looking for. Of course there’s no assurance or guarantee that its the ever after you so wish for.
As for me most of my blogs here refer to a certain person who have been in and out of my life for over a year now. I’ve always thought that I can turn my back on him, let go and move on but everytime he comes back I always welcome him back with open arms. Because being with him makes my life worthwhile, it seems he fills an empty void inside my heart, his presence always brought a smile to my face eventhough at times I get frustrated with things as it is.
I don’t know what’s our ending nor do I know if his the one, all I know is that I’m willing to hope, to wish and to keep the faith that somewhere, somehow I’ll find the answer to my questions and that throughout that time he’ll never leave me alone, but stay by my side and be my strength as we both search our own horizon hoping to meet each other halfway.
For now I want to thank you for so many things and for making me so happy, though it hurts to think that we’ll be apart again indefinitely, but I pray for the time we can bridge the distance and find comfort in each others arms one day.
Pride and Promises October 31, 2008
Posted by adeic in Journey, Life, Love, Loving You.Tags: Letting Go, Move on, Pride, promises, Regret
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It’s been awhile since I’ve really written something here. I guess I got caught up with the things that’s bothering me, the health problem, the financial aspect, the careers and maybe the lovelife. It’s a been a bit loco months no more time to spend much writing my blogs. But through all the things that’s happening around I still keep thinking back to one person how I’ve let him down. How I didn’t keep my promises. I guess the conflict between us and the communication gap made me do it, made me break my promises or was it pride.
A very good friend of mine used to advised me not to let pride rule my life, because if one is matured enough to handle any consequences that life deals then there is no place for pride. But what can I say though he didn’t realize it he also hurt me in his own way thus my pride keep me from fulfilling my promise. Was I wrong to did what I’ve done, to not leap with faith into him, to turn my back and not meet him halfway? I don’t know I have no answer all I know is that I’ve already lost him and I don’t know if I’m glad or sad because he did become a part of me even for a shortwhile. He did make me smile when I feel like crying. He did fill my days with music thinking finally I’ve found someone after my own heart. Did he feel the same way well he never did tell.
But the thing I’m thankful the most is the time he came into my life when it was a bit confusing and now maybe its time that we did part ways. Maybe that’s just life’s way of letting people drift apart from us. I’ve tried to keep myself busy and do all kind of stuff but sometimes though memories of you came back into my life. It crepts in and I start to miss you and I don’t like that because somewhere, somehow I want to let go of you and get on with my life.
I love your blog award September 13, 2008
Posted by adeic in Award, Life, Love.Tags: I love your blog Award
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Thanks so much to Krishna for this award its very appreciated and unexpected. So if you have time please visit my friend Krisha site for a more informative read. So here goes the rules:
Rule no. 1: The winner can put the logo on their blog.
Rule no. 2: Link the person you received your award from (surely do can even see him in my blogroll)
Rule no. 3: Nominate at least 7 other blogs. (ahh its that hard to find some blogs in here have only a few friends here)
Rule no. 4: Put links of those blogs on yours. (will do that)
Rule no. 5: Leave a message on the blogs you’ve nominated.
it’s quite hard to put messages on my favorite blogs but I’ll try my very best 
Cold September September 9, 2008
Posted by adeic in Choices, Journey, Life, Loving You, Moving On, Relationship.Tags: Goodbye, Love, Move on, September
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Now its September and I feel my world is getting colder because the wind is suddenly closing in. Nope it’s not autumn in the place where I live in cause it has only two season (rainy and dry). But this coldness emanates from within when I realize that you’re really gone from my life for good. I guess it sort of blow out the light that continue to sparks, to hope, to dream that there just might be an ending. Yeah I know as real as the sun rises everyday and sets in twilight that you’re not coming back. I’ll feel the wind for now but I know it won’t be long since usually storms just pass by and leaves just as fast as it come. I know life would be good after awhile with or without you but I’ve said goodbye to you many times and what’s the different now. Well I guess since now I’m going to be closing a chapter in my book and will never look back. Heck just as what my friends always tell me ”Anyone who doesn’t value you doesn’t deserve you”. Well I guess I was not meant for you just as well cause you didn’t see my worth. This will be a new beginning in my journey in love and wondering who might be the next one to put that smile on my face and make my heart skip a beat.
